Sunday 19 August
The MasterChef All Stars finale is on and I have had strict instructions from my colleagues to ‘STAY OFF FACEBOOK – remember how you destroyed the lives of half a continent last time’. So I am. I will not reveal the winner to anyone beyond these four walls and, as my silver fox of a husband is guaranteed to be asleep before the BIG REVEAL, it will remain mine and the dog’s secret until dawn’s blue light.
Damn that MasterChef pause and all it portends. I’ve done that pre-burning-MasterChef-logo pause (it took three takes) and it is no mean feat, my friends. Those judges aren’t just a pretty face and highly developed palate. Yes, I, too, have had ‘my day in the sunshine’, as ABC Grandstand’s own Sporty Spice, David Morrow, put it recently about some Olympian or other. In fact, so effective was I in my sunshine-drenched rendition of celebrity-guest-judge-magazine-editor-bitch-from-hell, apparently, that I ‘made Absolutely Fabulous look like reality TV’, according to one of the reader comments on the Sydney Morning Herald recap the following day. That’ll do me. Something to tell my imaginary grandchildren one day.
Peter Gilmore and his snow egg have arrived. But this time it’s different. Jackfruit is the hero of the dish. A masterstroke of pure, evil genius – but nothing that all-round good guy Callum can’t cope with. Or Chris for that matter. See? I didn’t give anything away.
But far more important is this weekend’s other breaking news. It seems that I’ve been wearing the wrong walking shoes. Or at least hadn’t realised that the shoes I have been wearing were simply not up to the job. ASICS has released its Gel-Cardio Zip – ‘a walking shoe designed to help you forget your feet, love mornings, solve work issues, stay healthy, plan holidays, chat with your dog, and much more besides’. I had no idea this was possible. The only one of these I’ve ever managed is chatting with my dog – sometimes even when she’s walking with me. Not only that, but it also seems that you can’t do any of these things if you’re a runner, as ‘ASICS specialist walking shoes are designed different to [sic] our running shoes’. Someone in the copywriting department didn’t wear their Gel-Cardio Zips before they coughed up that particular sentence, did they…